Bossypants~

Have you read this yet?

When I heard that Tina Fey wrote a book, I ran to the library to check it out....Only to realize that everyone else in my state had done the same thing.

I was number 895 on the list (seriously, number 895) and after 5 months of waiting, I finally got the email telling me that Bossypants was ready for me.

And, it was worth the wait.

Favorite moments of the book:

*Referring to the moment when she knew she had become a woman:

"I experienced car creepery at thirteen. I was walking home from middle school past a place called the World's Largest Aquarium-which, legally, I don't know how they could call it that, because it was obviously an average-sized aquarium. maybe I should start referring to myself as the World's Tallest Man and see how that goes?"

Anyways, she goes on to talk about how some boys cat called her from their car. Not the typical moment when people realize that they are all grown up. I remember mine was at Charlie's first pedes appt. The dr asked what "mom's" birthdate was, and in the second I was trying to remember what year my mom was born, I realized that he was referring to me as "mom".

*She is constantly talking about how she is a brunette in a blonde woman's world and how Joyce Dewitt (from Three's Company) was the only brunette actress she had to look up to:

"And if I ever meet Joyce DeWitt, I will first apologize for having immediately punched her in the face, and then I will thank her. For while she looked like a Liza Minnelli doll that had been damaged in a fire, at least she didn't look like everybody else on TV."

Hilarious.

*Talking about what it's like doing a photo shoot:

"With the wind blowing on your long extensions, you feel like Beyonce. The moment the wind machine stops, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and wonder, 'Why is the mother from Coal Miner's Daughter here?'"

I had to put the book down while laughing at this one. I have no clue what that mother looks like, but I'm guessing she ain't cute.

*On the subject of not being able to breastfeed her daughter:

"I was defensive and grouchy whenever the topic (breastfeeding) came up. At a party with a friend who was successfully nursing her little boy, I watched her husband produce a bottle of pumped breast milk that was the size of a Big Gulp. It was more milk than I had produced in my whole seven weeks. As my friend's husband fed the baby, he said offhandedly, 'This stuff is liquid gold. You know it actually makes them smarter?' 'Let's set a date!' I screamed. IQ test. Five years from today. My formula baby will crush your baby!' Thankfully, my mouth was so full of cake they could not understand me."

The one thing moms can't stand is a parent who runs their mouth about any parenting topic when they know good and well that they are offending the other person. And Tina Fey is calling "that" parent out.

*And lastly, a topic on being a new parent:

"Me Time: Any expert will tell you, the best thing a mom can do to be a better mom is to carve out a little time for herself. Here are some great "me time" activities you can do.

Go to the bathroom a lot.

Offer to empty the dishwasher.

Take ninety-minute showers. (If you only shower every three or four days, it will be easier to get away with this.)

Say you're going to look for the diaper creme, then go into your child's room and just stand there until your spouse comes in and curtly says, "What are you doing?"

Stand over the sink and east the rest of your child's dinner while he or she pulls at your pant leg asking for it back.

Try to establish that you're the only one in your family allowed to go to the post office.

'Sleep when the baby sleeps.' Everyone knows this classic tip, but I say why stop there? Scream when your baby screams. Take Benadryl when your baby takes Benadryl. And walk around pantless when your baby walks around pantless.

Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite, Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea; A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my "plan" was for taking down the Christmas tree.

I'm pretty sure I've done the diaper creme trick. And the eating your baby's dinner thing, but mine was more along the lines of hiding the dessert and eating his portion.

Even though this book was pretty hilarious, it also had it's rough parts. Her language was pretty bad at times and some jokes were crude. I wish that she had just stuck with being funny instead of thinking she had to add all that.

Next on the list: The autobiography of Condoleezza Rice. I'm not even joking. How extreme can my book list be?~