Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Favorite Child~

We pretend "the favorite child" doesn't exist, but we all know it does.

This is one of my concerns about having 2 children. I KNOW I will love Walker just as much as I love Charlie, but right now I'm borderline obsessed with Charlie (ok maybe all the way obsessed with him).

Parents say they don't have a favorite, but we all know they do.

Some parents only think it, but many parents actually SHOW that they have a favorite, whether they realize it or not. This goes for grandparents/grandchildren as well.

According to this article, it stinks to be the unfavored child AND the golden child. I think that's completely ridiculous. It's always better to be the favored child, right?!

I actually have to admit that I don't think my parents have a favorite. We all joke that it's James, but secretly we all think we're the favorite. I guess that's a good thing?!

With some families, however, it is super obvious who the favorite child is.

So what makes a "favorite/golden" child?

Is it the 1st child? Because you could never love another like you do the 1st? Hmm...not with some families.

Is it the child that "needs" you the most? Noel and I have talked about this before and relate it to the story of the Prodigal Son. It doesn't necessarily have to be a situation where the child is wayward, but sometimes parents favor the child who doesn't have other friends, or needs their help ALL the time, or is always around. The problem with parents favoring this child over a child who is more independent is that the more independent child will eventually start feeling less loved (obviously) and will start resenting the parent.

On the flip side of the previous statement, is the favorite child the one who has the most "accomplishments"?

I'm not really sure what constitutes the favorite child, but I do know that it is different with every family.

I was reading different articles on this subject, and found a comment by a reader that I really liked.

"I am a mother of three sons, all grown now. Looking back I realized that each of them had a much different personality than the other. After all, if they were all the same, life would be boring right?! However at different stages of their lives I did get that special twinkle in my eyes from one. But never one ALL the time. My oldest was a hyper child, my second a laid back boy, the third a goofy, funny boy. The oldest is a workaholic as an adult, the second a guy with strong opinions and convictions, while the youngest is a quiet, secretive, young man. Even now as adults, at different times one would bring a special twinkle in my eye, but never the same one. Therefore, no I don’t have a favorite child. I have favorite, selective times with each individual son."

I think that's a real, honest answer.

I am praying every night that I will be able to show my sons an equal amount of love.

I'm trying to think of what to do in order to make this a reality.

1. Spend individual time with each child.

2. Pray for each child individually, by name every night (in my personal prayers and with them so they can hear me say it)

3. That's all I have right now

I also know that many parents don't realize they are favoring one child over another. So, hopefully family members will keep me in check on this (which, I am a Walker, so I'm sure an honest opinion will not be hard to find). If you find me blogging or talking only about Charlie, give me a ring. If the only pictures I post are only of Walker, let me know!! :-)

I can't wait to have 2 baby boys, and I hope they know it!!!!!~


Mary said...

So one of the things that was weirdest to me after my babies were born was falling in love with TWO people at the same time. It's something I don't think humans are meant to do -- usually we have time to fall in love, process our feelings & get used to it before we fall in love with the next person. {Just be grateful you're not faced with this dilemma.}

I sometimes say that my favorite baby is whichever I'm holding at the time. I hold one and we cuddle and I kiss their little chubby cheeks and smell their sweet heads and I think, "This one is so my favorite." And that lasts while they fall asleep on me and I put them in bed, but then when I get the next one up and they put their tiny arms around me and their warm cheek is against mine, I think, "No way, this one is definitely my fave." And the trade-off never stops. EVER. I seriously can't pick. I can't imagine my life without either.

Ashley said...

Mary, that is so sweet!!! It would be a crazy thing, learning to love 2 babies at one time!! You're doing a great job at it. I need to go see those babies!!~

The Cutrells said...

Love this post! I expecially love the quote you added from that article. She could not have put it any more perfectly. My boys are only (almost) 3 and 10 months old but that is EXACTLY how I feel about them already. Before Owen was born I was definitely obsessed with Brent. He could do no wrong. After Owen was born but was still really tiny I think I still "favored" Brent because of the stage he was going through at the time. However, for the past 2-3 months I have to say I have been favoring Owen. He is hitting milestone after milestone and I am just eating it up. Sometimes I catch Brent staring at me as I'm staring at Owen. So I have to take a step back and make sure I make a big deal over what he's doing too. They are also both completely different which is lots of fun and helps me to appreciate different things about each. It all works out. I just make sure that each one gets some alone time with me every day doing whatever they like to do best. Then at the end of the day I feel like a pretty good mom. You'll do great! So excited for you. Having 2 boys is SO AWESOME!

Ashley said...

Thanks for sharing that Crystal! I KNOW you're a good mom!! That is a good thing, spending one on one time with each of them. I'm excited about the boys! Love seeing the pics of yours!~

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