Thursday, June 30, 2011

Women of a Certain Stage~

I have no definite answers to the questions I'm about to ask.

They've been brewing in my mind for some time.

I should write an "Eat, Pray, Love" style book on this topic.

Is there a certain stage of a woman's life when she can no longer make a "bosom buddy"?

A bosom buddy, a kindred spirit, a best friend, a soul mate.

Whatever you call it, is there a certain time in your life when you can still meet and make friends, but just not best friends?

If yes, then is it after you graduate college? get married? have a baby?

Do you stay close with this best friend forever?

If no, do you keep adding to the list of best friends, or do you just wait to meet yours later in life?

What makes a friend a bosom buddy?

Do you have to have the same interests? Or do you have to constantly defend who you are and what you like?

Do you have to be in the same stage of your life?

Do you have to be the same age?

**Think about the person (people) you are closest to.**

How long have they been in your life?

When did they come into your life?

What brought you together?

Any answers to all these questions?~


Cyndi D. said...

Hi Ashley,

Here are my initial thoughts but I could probably go on for a long time. I think you're never too old to find a bosom friend/kindred spirit. Also I think once you've found one they stay in that catagory no matter what other things like time distance interfere with your communication. They are the friends that you might not see for years but when you do see them it's as if there hasn't been any separation. I still have friends from my childhood, teenage years, college, etc. that I still think of as my best friends but I haven't spoken to them in many years. Does any of that make sense?
Cyndi D.

Ashley said...

Makes total sense! Thank you for sharing. I totally agree that distance doesn't end a great friendship.~

Kelly said...

Okay, I know it is probably totally random for me to leave a comment, but I saw your post on Facebook and thought I'd stop by. These are good questions. I think there are times and places in your life when you make longer lasting friends than at others; sometimes, although it is lonely, we have to weather things alone. However, just because a friendship doesn't "last", it doesn't automatically mean it wasn't a deep friendship. Some friendships are meant to make us grow, and sometimes that means growing apart- in the different directions we're all supposed to take. But, each of us helps the other get to where we are supposed to be. (If that makes any sense.) Also, I don't think you necessarily have to be in the same stage of life. The three women I worked with became (and remain) the closest friends I've ever had, and they all have children my age or older. While friendship does start with shared interests, I think real friendship transcends simple mutual interests-it is more that each party fulfills a need the other has at that time. That is why you can have real friends but move on as you both grow. Doesn't mean you've lost a friend, just had one when you needed them and they helped you get to where you need to be next. As for friendships in general, I like what C.S. Lewis said "Nothing, I suspect, is more astonishing in any man's life than the discovery that there do exist people very, very like himself." Sorry for the long, random comment, I hope some (any) of it made sense.

Emily Bartlett said...

Deep. Whenever I hear the term bosom friend, I always think of Anne of Green Gables, a favorite classic. She says bosom friends are kindred spirits to whom you can confide your inmost soul.

Bosom Buddies are hard to come by. I know people that have never really had a bosom buddy--that's ok. Some people don't need them. Some people do. Some people think they have bosom buddies but really they are just a "good friend" and not a bosom buddy.

But when you find a bosom buddy, you know right off. And you're friends forever and ever no matter distance or life circumstances.

That's my take :)

Mary said...

I love that you're asking these questions, and I'm so interested in everyone's responses so far.

For me, bosom buddies are people that I feel like I can call when I need help. I'm not too shy to admit that I need them, because I know they want to be there for me. I can talk to them about things that are important to me, and I know that they'll take me seriously. I can invite myself over, I can go into their fridge, they know things about me like what I order at Cookout.

I think you're never too old to make a bosom buddy. My mom found her best friend when they were both in their thirties, and have remained very close even when they were far apart. {They used to record tapes of themselves talking as letters to send when they lived in different states -- isn't that sweet?}

I also don't think you need to be the same age, or in the same stage of life. My mom had another close friend who was forty years older than her.

I use my mom as an example because the three best friends that I had growing up were all my age, and all of our friendships have diminished over time. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that we couldn't grow together; as we changed, we understood each other less. I found myself constantly defending myself to them, which is something I DON'T think you should have to do with bosom buddies. I think discussion and debate is fine and healthy, but I know that for me defending myself was tiring and alienating.

All of the people I'm really close to now are family, and for now I'm okay with that. I love my family so much, and I love to spend time with them and talk with them. I love to have Christian for a best friend, but I hope that one day I'll find myself a girl I can best pals with again. I think that would be fun.

Mary said...

P.S. Sorry I left you a novel to read!

Ashley said...

Kelly, Not random at all!!! I love hearing from you. I think you got it exactly right when you said that there are times and places in your life when you can make longer lasting friends than others. When do you think that is though? Is it different for everyone? the CS Lewis quote.

Emily, I think of the SAME thing!! Anne of Green Gables. I seriously almost linked "bosom buddies" to an AofGG site! Bosom buddies ARE hard to come by!! And, I definitely agree that once you've met one you're friends for life.

Mary, I feel the exact way about what constitutes a "bosom buddy". I want to add that they are the type of friends that even if you haven't seen them in forever, you can pick right back up with them. I don't think you have to be in the same stage of life, either. So, I'm glad you see it that way too. That's an interesting point...that you are closest to family members now. I think that's awesome, and I feel the same. So, does that mean that once you have kids, you can no longer meet a best gal pal...or does it just have to come when your kids are older??~

Ashley said...

I'm asking the follow up questions, because, apart from my close family, I have 4 friends that I consider to be "bosom buddies". They are the kind of friends that I can call whenever, talk to about anything...and even though we may have occasional differences, we appreciate each other for those differences instead of criticize. I asked the age/stage question because we are all the same age, but all different stages of life.~

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